Don't Deadname!

To deadname:

"To call someone by their birth name, their legal name, the name they used to use, aka their deadname, even though they use a new one now."

-Me

So I'm sitting in class the other day right, and my teacher brings up Trans people. 

He starts talking about Caitlyn Jenner, and he's referring to her as her deadname and the pronouns she used to go by. 

So I'm like, okay, my professor is an older guy, she did go by those pronouns and that other name for a long time, so cut him some slack. 

But like, it has been a while since she has started going Caitlyn and using she/her pronouns, 

And you know what?

Even if it hadn't been a while, he should have at least made the effort. 

Its a matter of respect. 

I bet you're going, 

"But Kyle, I'm sure it wasn't on purpose, I'm sure he didn't mean to be disrespectful, be patient with the guy."

And to that I say, okay, but it doesn't matter if the person had good intentions or bad intentions, I'm sure my teacher had good intentions though, because in the end, its still the same feeling of hurt and disappointment someone will feel. 

Even if they aren't Trans! It still hurts. 

If your name is Paprika and someone is calling you Peppermint, 

Wouldn't that piss you off?

Wouldn't you be like, Mother Fucker, my name is Paprika!

But even more so, if you open up to someone, and in Caitlyn's case, the whole fucking world, and you're just praying that people call you the right name and pronouns. 

That's all they have to do because you're doing the hard part of being brave enough to share yourself with the world, even though you're scared of how people will react. 

You just want them to embrace your identity, validate your existence. That you aren't a mistake,

And they can't even do that for you?

Can you even imagine how that feels?

Now you may be going, 

"Damn Kyle, you're getting hella deep and kinda dramatic, settle down. But I'm starting to see where you're coming from. So, I have another question."

Yes friend?

"Doesn't it make sense to call someone by their deadname if I'm talking about them in the past?

Like, can't I call you by your deadname if I'm talking about the person you used to be?"

Good question, but no. You call people by the name they use. You can still talk about that person and how they used to be and how much they've grown without using their deadname and old pronouns. 

"Okay Kyle, I have one last question. What are some ways I can support someone when deadnaming happens?"

If you are in the room with the person who did the deadnaming (unless it is the person referring to themselves), correct them. 

If the person who has had this happen to them comes to you, ask what you can do to make them feel comfortable, and use their correct name and pronouns with them. 

Also, a person can refer to themselves by their deadname and pronouns. 

If they do, maybe they forgot because they too are learning to embrace their new name and pronouns or maybe they just wanted to in the moment. 

We are all learning, and of course we can all make mistakes, but put in your best effort!