What Femme means to me Part 1

Hello Friends!

The other day, I wrote a post about The Femme Show, and showed y'all only several of the many different ways people express their femme identity. 

This is super important to me because I identify as Femme. 

I decided to delve deeper into what being Femme means to people who identify this way before attending/volunteering at the Femme Show for a second year in a row. 

So I talked to my friend Ife, and here's what Femme means to her:

"What does it mean to be femme"

My answer would take years....well maybe not years..but I will say this...

Being femme is being human. Being femme changes with time....like any "life cycle".

I am not the same "femme lesbian" I was at 21, 31, 41, 51...damn! I've been around as an out lesbian for a long ass time!

I still love my lipstick even tho' I don't feel MARRIED to it...when I was younger I was...didn't feel like I could leave home without it...

Femme for me mean strong! In my words and deeds....I am also soft and tender, I like to laugh out loud, wear dresses, or not...

I don't have to have long hair or short hair

Femme = FUN. I wouldn't want to be anything else!

Femme = body building
At this point in my life I want MUSCLES and I want someone who is not afraid of my POWER

Being FEMME does NOT MEAN that I want to cook, or have babies...

I'm 55 years young. Hell, I'm just getting my REAL CLEAR FEMME LIFE STARTED!

So this is just some of how I feel about being femme.

This is my friend Ife! She/her pronouns y'all. 

"But you're a girl, a girl, a girl!"

So my sister and I are hanging out in my bed, and she calls me girl.

Which is usually fine but at this moment it kinda bothered me so I said, don't call me that.

and then she goes why not, you're a girl. !

And I said no, I'm not.

Then she gets under the blanket and she goes,

you're not a boy.

And then I said, no, I'm not.

She gets even more frustrated.

You're a girl, you're a girl, a girl! You can't choose!

I said to her, I'm everything.

She's upset with me. She's overwhelmed. Thats okay.

I've explained this to her, as simple as possible,
But I bet as soon as she went home and told her mom that people can be boys, girls, in between, or none of those, her mom got pissed and got that out of her head immediately.

I want to raise her in a way that shows her all the different possibilities.

That love comes in different forms and so do people.

I wish my mom wouldn't raise her to be close minded. I wish I didn't have to undo my moms ignorance she's instilled in my sister.

That society has instilled in her.

I wish my sister wouldn't be shut down when I tell her that no matter how old someone is, they need to treat her with respect in the same way she would show them.

I wish my sister wouldn't be shut down when I tell her she doesn't need blue eyes to be beautiful.

I wish my sister wouldn't be shut down when I tell her that she can appreciate music or art but recognize that the artist themself is problematic in some way.

I wish my sister wouldn't be shut down when I tell her that her life matters.

I wish people wouldn't shut us down.

I love her so much and I don't want the world to corrupt her but,

There's only so much I can do,

You know?

The Femme Show: 9 Lives on October 16 & 17, 2015

Hello Beautiful People!

On this lovely Saturday morning I'd like to inform you of another fun opportunity coming up this fall:

The Femme Show: 9 Lives!

You're probably thinking to yourself,

 "Femme show...Femme show, sounds familiar but Kyle, why don't you remind me what that is"

Sure thing Friend!

The Femme Show is:

"The Femme Show is a Boston, MA  based group of queer performers who bring deep, personal explorations of queer and subversive femininity and fem/femme identity to the stage in a fun, eclectic variety show.  This is queer art for queer people: challenging, introspective, brazen, funny, sexy, and gritty but always powerful."

-- The Femme Show Website (http://www.thefemmeshow.com/about/)

Now you're saying, "Kyle, that sounds like a really copacetic show, I'd like to attend. 

But wait, what the heck is a femme?"

Another good question!

In the same way there's no one way to define our communities, identities, or labels because they're up to an individual to decide that for themselves, there's no way singular way to define the Femme identity, 

However, I can give a sort of brief description based on other folx interpretation of what femme means to them, and hopefully you can get an idea that way. 

Is that okay??

1. "Not that anyone can ever be an authority on identity, but Bevin’s run down of what femme means to her is one of the most passionate and poignant descriptions I’ve ever read.  For your enjoyment:

“Femme is a way of defining for me how I fit into my sexuality, but does not describe my gender.

Femme means my feminism and my femininity walk hand in hand.

Femme means I look how I want to look and not how someone tells me I should look to be perceived as queer. You’ll know I’m queer within about 20 seconds of talking to me.

Femme means I look how I want to look and not how someone tells me I should look because I am a woman. I am often far overdressed for everything I do, but when I look in the mirror and smile because I’m wearing a glittery necklace, feathers in my hair, lots of cleavage, that’s what matters."

--http://genderqueer.tumblr.com/post/858591037/what-is-femme

2." Femme to me: (which means only me, Emma, and not a general femme definition because femme in and of itself defies traditional labels of definition)

To me, being femme is about taking strength from femininity.  My femininity is expressed through cupcake dresses, glitter boots, big hair, and pink nails.  It is communicated through laughing eyes, sideways smiles, laughing too hard, and breaking hearts.

I am femme because it is who I am.  I feel most beautiful when I am seen as queer.  Queer and femme are not able to be seperated in my identity.  They are the same.

It is also a political act.  I am femme because I am told I shouldn’t be. I am femme when it is difficult, erasing, and impossible.  I am femme when no sees me as femme.  Being femme is the most radical thing about me.  Femme is home.

This is just what it means to me.  It means something very different to my fellow femme sisters, brothers, friends.  Everyone defines their home differently.

Mine just happens to be dressed up in gold glitter taffeta."

--http://femmadilemma.tumblr.com/whatfemmemeanstome

Femme can be this:

Or this:

Or this:

Or this:

Or this:

Or this:

Or this:

Or this:

Or this:

Or this:

Or this:

Or this:

Or this:

Or this:

Or this: 

Or this:

But being/identifying as femme, isn't just a style

Its a way of life.

To free yourself and be yourself through this type of expression. Anyone can be femme. 

It is a self determined label. 

You can't just assume someone is femme, they need to proclaim it for themselves if they choose to do so.

Femme Does Not mean you are a woman necessarily.

Your femme does not have to be anything like the pictures above. 

It can look like one or a couple of the pictures above. 

It can be all of the pictures above.

Femme comes in all different shapes, shades, and sizes.

To be femme means

To break free from the norms that say masculine is best. 

 I found myself when I realized that I am femme. 

I stopped pretending to be someone I wasn't, and I became so much happier. 

It is a brave act to be yourself. 

Does that kind of clear things up?

So, back to the femme show. 

Its a really fabulous show, I went for the first time last year. 

There was burlesque and spoken word and story telling. 

It was a darn good time so you know what?

You should come, here's the info:

Hope to see you there!!! ;D

Featured This Week: Dede!!! :D

Good Evening my Amigxs,

Well its not really evening anymore...
Whatever, you get the jist

This weeks featured friend:

I met him last summer at True Colors, where I used to work.
I've been getting closer and closer to him, I love him so much.
He's the best brother anyone could ask for.
He always makes me laugh and he never judges me, he's not a judgmental person.
And he's willing to learn, he's grown so much.
He's one of my best friends.

So, without further ado,

Here's Dede!!!

(All this info he gave me word for word)

Name: Derianna DiRico aka Dede

Pronouns: She & Her, He & Him

School: Lynn Classical High

Likes: Photography, Minecraft, YouTube & Film Making

Dislikes: Rude & Ignorant people

About Me: They call me Dede, I'm 17 years young. I like to think of myself as creative, funny & adventurous. I identify as a lesbian. I love my friends and family.

Black Lives Matter Cambridge Presents: Black LGBTQIA + People Speakout- Real Talk 2

Are y'all free this Sunday and a person of color? 

Well then, join me at:

It's free, its on Sunday, and its a place to take about the intersections of our identities!

If you wanna meet up with me and my homies email me at

kylediaz35@gmail.com,

and You can go to the BLM Cambridge Facebook page for more info!

"OH SHIT!" Moments

An Oh Shit Moment is defined as, 

"The moment or moments,  you realize or come to terms with the fact that you might be queer, gay, or in anyway part of the LGBTQQIA+ community."

--My friend Stevie

A couple of my friends and I were at the beach the other day, sitting in the sand, and my Stevie asks, 

"Hey, what are y'alls 'OH SHIT' moments?"

Of course all of us burst out laughing, but we knew we had to share our oh shit moments. 

The moments we knew we were a little different. 

That we were special. 

Maybe moments that scared us.

 That excited us. 

Moments that we look back on and see how much we've grown and changed.

Anyways, 

Here's a couple of OH SHIT moments for you :)

(All of these moments have been brought to you, word to word from the source)

Hey there I'm Asher!

 I use he/him or they/them pronouns. 
I'm panromantic, agender, asexual and a whole lotta fabulous!

Soooo I have a few oh shit moments but I'm just going to focus one one. My first ever oh shit moment and the start of my journey into queerdom was in third grade. My best friend and I had this thing called talk time where we would go to the be during class and chill. So one day we're in the bathroom and I tell her that I have a crush on someone (a third grade crush, pretty serious stuff y'all). Of course being 3rd grade me I wouldn't say it out loud, because it was her! She goes through a list of names and finally says "wait... Do you have a crush on me?!" I didn't even say yes I just awkwardly giggled and nodded. So long story short I ended up having my first queer relationship in 3rd grade with my best friend. Adorable right? I know, I do that well.

Name: Elliot Gray Boodhan

Pronouns: He/Him/His and They/Them/Theirs
Identification: Asexual&Panromantic
Transmasculine/Genderqueer
Oh Shit Moment: When I was in kindergarden I remember always hating my name. I was never into the things that society said I was supposed to be into as a "girl" either. In fact, I considered myself a tomboy because of the things I liked being things that boys my age liked. My eldest sister once heard me say I was a tomboy, and laughed at me and said "No you aren't. You don't even know what a tomboy really is." This statement confused me until I was 10. I was at an age where I was flooding my brain with the cultures and languages of so many other countries. I was particularly interested in Thai culture, so I'd been learning the language and slang. I was watching an LGBT themed movie from Thailand, and one of the characters was called a "Tom". Off to the side of the screen was the word "Tom*" and what it meant. It was short for tomboy. The meaning of the word tomboy orignially was a female born person who's gender didn't conform to their sex assigned at birth, and it was noted that they typically had female lovers. The moment I read that I understood what my sister had meant, and I realized that it fit me. Knowing the definition made me realize that everything I had been feeling about my name and, after hitting puberty at age 7, my body was because I wasn't identifying as female. I was kinda just like, "Well shit, it all makes sense now."

Name:Kayla

Pronouns: they/them

Identity: gender queer/pansexual

Oh shit moment:

I was always subconsciously attracted to my best friend from when I was three. But this one time we were a little older, between 7-12, and we were swimming in her pool. I noticed that I was focusing more on her in her bathing suit than I was on swimming, and at some point my bikini top had come undone. So I asked her to help me tie again. And when she was tying it she'd accidentally brushed against my chest and I got the weirdest shiver, and I couldn't get rid of the feeling till she moved away from me. And that's when I was like "holy shit I like when girls touch me. That's definitely not straight."

Name: Kimberly

Pronouns: she/hers they/them

School: Snowden high school
Identity: Pansexual

Oh shit moment:

One oh shit moment is when I found myself staring at my brothers girlfriends boobs they looked so nice 😍😍😍

This next friend is from California :D

Name: Elsa Sandbach

Pronouns:She/Her

School: Santa Catalina School

Identification: Lesbian

Oh Shit Moment: There was a girl in my class who used to come into my room (I go to boarding school) initially to talk to my roommate and eventually to discuss her problems with me. She spent most of the days she was in my room talking about questioning her sexuality and how maybe she was bisexual. Up until this point I hadn’t even considered bisexuality as an option. Eventually I began to realize that, wow I have a big-ass crush on this girl I’m probably less than entirely heterosexual… And I sat myself down and emailed my parents, “I think I’m bisexual.” And about a week later, “I’m definitely a lesbian.”

My oh shit moment was really more specifically when she got in my bed and snuggled with me one day and I kind of lay there like holy fuck I want to kiss her. Which scared me but eventually I did and it worked out nicely.

Name: Kiana Solivera
Pronouns: She, They

Identification: Bisexual
(Names of other people in the story will be change)
 One Of my 'OH SHIT!' moments was when i was younger and would get home after hanging out with a group of friend my cousins would tease me about Justin being  my boyfriend....my response one day was "I like him but i would perfer Jenna to be my girlfriend."

 Name: Katraya Wier
Pronouns: She
School: AMDA NY
Identity: Pansexual/Agender
Oh shit moment : 

Sexuality- I was in 3rd grade and my two girls were walking in front of me and I started checking them out and one of them noticed and turned around and was like "are you a lesbian" and I was like "what does that mean" and she said "it means you wanna kiss girls" and I was like "oh, um I don't know" but in my head I was like 'there's a name for that?!'
Gender- Okay so my Senior year of High school I took journalism and I wrote a bunch of articles about feminism and the stereotypes around femininity and masculinity and the more I tried to discover what masculine and feminine meant outside of societal BS the more I realized I that I didn't identify with either

And here is a special surprise, its me :D

Name: Kyle or Ky
Pronouns: He/him, They/them, Xe/xem, Feel free to mix it up!
School: Lesley University

Identity: Queer as fuck. But if you really wanna know the specifics:

Transgender

Panromantic and Pansexual

Polyamorous as fuck.

Gender Fluid or Non Binary maybe?? Gender fluid for sure.
Oh shit Moment:
One of my oh shit moments is when I kissed my best friend when I was five. She was my first kiss. 

Her name was Carol. 

You rock Carol.

5th Annual Hispanic Black Gay Coalition Youth Empowerment Conference!!!

Hey Y'all!

As you might already know, school is starting back up pretty soon. 

Ugh, I know. 

But, not to fret, because at the same time school will be back in session, 

the 5th annual Hispanic Black Gay Coalition Youth Empowerment Conference will be taking place!

You may be asking, "Kyle, now, what is the Hispanic Black Gay Coalition Youth Empowerment Conference?"

Good question Friend! 

Just in case you aren't familiar with the organization, 

let me first tell you about the Hispanic Black Gay Coalition, 

An excerpt from their website:

"Hispanic Black Gay Coalition (HBGC) is one of few non-profit organizations in Boston dedicated to the unique and complex needs of the Black, Hispanic and Latin@ LGBTQ community. Founded in 2009, we work to inspire and empower Latin@, Hispanic and Black LGBTQ individuals to improve their livelihood through activism, education, community outreach, and counseling.

Hispanic Black Gay Coalition (HBGC) es una Organización en Boston dedicada a servir y unir a la comunidad LGBTQ Afro Americana y Latina. Trabajamos para inspirar y fortalecer individuos de la comunidad, LGBTQ Afro Americana y Latinos, para mejorar sus vidas a través del activismo, educación, y consejeria."

Copacetic, right?!

Okay, now to tell you about the youth empowerment conference, 

"HBGC's Annual Youth Empowerment Conference is a FREE space for LGBTQ Youth of Color to connect with one another, share resources, and gain useful skills for navigating life and creating social change. It is currently the largest conference gathering of LGBTQ youth of color and their allies in New England! 

This year is our 5th year of holding the conference and we are excited that it continues to grow in size and in diversity of topics and attendees. 

At The Conference Expect To:

• Be inspired by our keynote speakers
• Select from over 30 workshops exploring LGBTQ issues and their intersections with race, gender, class, ability and religion 
• Gain useful tips and skills for advocating for LGBTQ equality and social justice while connecting with existing campaigns
• Enjoy live entertainment from QTPOC performers & artists
• Learn about LGBTQ and youth resources, including internship and employment opportunities, at our resource fair
• Network with over 200 LGBTQ people of color from across the country"
  
  
  Are you interested? Good!
  Go to the official HBGC Youth Empowerment Conference 2015 website now, and register!
  
  
  *Conference website: http://www.hbgc-ourtimenow.org/
  *Conference facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/HBGCYouth2015
  *Conference facebook event : https://www.facebook.com/events/111980179140363/